Any cover featuring one Fin Fang Foom is ultimately fan-freakin-tastic in my book. Add a purple hued It the Living Colossus to the mix? You've got comic ass-kickery. The fact that they're both wearing shorts that match their skin hues? Double ass-kickery. The fact that Fin Fang Foom's shorts come with a hole big enough for his tail? There are no words. Then... then... a cover blurb that cites Five Claws of Death -- when Fin Fang clearly only has four -- karate chopping a telephone poll? You're thinking, how could they only have charged a quarter for this? All I know is, if I ever lose phone service again (meaning my land line, I'm hip to all this cell phone jazz), I can only pray it's because two monsters were fighting it out on my block in their underpants.
It's Fin Fang Fantastic!
What's Captain Marvel Compensating For?
Hey, it was called "Whiz Comics" after all. And don't you think that "the Engine of Doom" is the most perfectest phallic euphemism ever? I imagine most most politicians do. Shazam!
All Flash Needs To Do Is Find a Bathroom
By the look on his face, it seems that not even the mighty Flash can defeat a lower gastro-intestinal disturbance of this magnitude. His thought balloon here would probably read something like "Fastest man alive, fastest man alive, FASTEST MAN ALIVE!"
Women....
Ah, the original Batgirl. Was she a vain, girly stereotype or a brilliant tactician? I know if I were Thug #4, I would stop and release my choke hold on Batman to check out her milky white thigh any day. Grrrl power!
Golem : The Thing That Loved Like a Man
Surely, the Golem did more like a man than just walk. But I guess that sounded cooler than "The Thing That Never Asks Directions Like a Man!" or "The Thing That Only Washes His Hands in the Men's Room if Another Guy is There Like a Man!" But the greatest thing on this cover is our machine gun shooting friend of Middle Eastern descent. Is he the coolest cat in the desert or what. His jeep is being tossed around by a giant purple statue that can't be bothered with a rib cage bullet of hot lead, yet he still finds the time to state his frustration: "Gunfire -- tanks -- Nothing will stop him! Is he Man or Monster?" It's good to get those emotions off your chest in stressful situations, I suppose. If it were me in the picture, my word balloon would read something like, oh, perhaps: "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTT MOTHER F --AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" in a pitch far too high for a man's voice.