Sure, I enjoy a good yarn about Batman being burned alive in 1692 by Superman as the next fanboy, but for pity's sake, space them out a few issues, would you? They lose their "oomph" this way. These two covers are from World's Finest 186 and 187, two unrelated issues, both sporting similar cover themes. That's all sorts of crazy. I read that Superman was a mean drunk, but I had no idea.
History tells us that these old fashioned Bat-Witch burnings were cruel. Yet somewhere, two fat 15ish kids are chest bumping to this. I don't understand these kids.
Hey, Let's Torture Batman!
Fight Comics! Tell it, brother!
Finally, you can judge a book by its cover. The only thing better than a comic-book called "Fight Comics" would have been a comic-book called "Fight Gorilla Comics." Or maybe "Micheal Bay Presents Fight Gorilla Comics." No, wait... "Micheal Bay Presents Fight Gorilla Comics in IMAX 3-D."
Best Almost Mr. T Moment in an X-Men Spin-Off Comic Book
The New Mutants versus Mr. T?!? A shocking backlash against his "Treat Your Mother Right" song? No, sadly, the world was never that awesome. If it was, I'd be holding a polybagged mint copy of the Power Pack versus Dolph Lundgren Treasury Edition. No, despite the tease on this cover, it's just a knock-off villain with a mohawk, ax, and the inability to pronounce the "d" at the end of the word "and." Look, it was the eighties an' no one used that "d".
One Part Batman. One Part Hulk. All Parts AWESOME.
If this comic doesn't scream "Batman TV Show", I don't know what does. Except maybe Burt Ward, when someone asks him across a busy street, "Hey buddy, where do I know you from?" But that's beside the point. The point here is that Batman becomes a rather thick and distorted Bat-Hulk in this issue of the Brave and the F-ed Up. Only in this issue, thankfully, and they didn't follow it up with the proposed Spiderbat-Aquahulk. Best of all, it didn't even leave stretch marks on Mr. Wayne.
Male Pattern Baldness Superhero Vs.Gorgilla!
In a weird and wonderful turn of events, it seems that Gorgilla (the middle "g" is most definitely not silent), known to many as the Monster of Midnight Mountain, is indeed alive and really, really upset about something. It's likely that he has to face off against Dr. Druid, probably the only super-hero I can think of who sports the classic male pattern baldness look and opted not to go for the fully shaven effect. It's why he got booted from the Avengers so quickly, they thought he was like 48 or something when he was only 32. Now he's fighting back... he's not only the hair club president, he's also its potent practitioner of the occults arts.
Ghost Rider vs. Black Juju!
What makes this comic so special? Is it the flaming skulled, leather clad lead character? Is it the oncoming train? The ready to blow dynamite? No. Say it with me: Black Juju. It feels good, doesn't it? Say it out loud, even if you're at work, it's a conversation starter. Black Juju. Dynamite indeed!
Blackhawk vs. the Eight-Limbed Octi-Ape
I don't know what's the greatest thing about this cover. Is it the eight-limbed Octi-Ape? Is it the very presence of our Asian friend "Chop Chop?" Is it Blackhawk's description of the bizarre events unfolding before his eyes? Or is it some wonderful combination of elements? Maybe this is a question for future historians. We just need to live in the moment.
Blue Beetle vs. the Giant Mummy who... wait for it... was not Dead!
Are any Mummies -- specifically, the ones who walk around in white bandages with one arm kind of tied up like a sling -- considered alive? I don't know, I hadn't really thought about it before until reading this cover blurb. Nevertheless, I would rewrite it to read: "The Giant Mummy who was not DEAD and who was sporting a camel toe."
Neutro, the Most Astounding Super Hero of All?
Neutro does not know the difference between right and wrong, but he does know that thigh high leather boots are a burning beacon of raw sexuality.
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